Guy Just Doesnt Know How to Handle You

I have a gazillion questions in my inbox but this email jumped out at me:

"What does it mean when a human says 'I can't give yous what y'all want' or 'I can't exist the homo you lot need me to be'?"

When a man (or a woman) makes statements similar this, these are what I call your golden opt-out moments or 'windows of opportunity'. If yous take boundaries, values, awareness about red flags and a reasonable level of cocky-esteem, a alert argument like this volition brand y'all very uncomfortable. It will bring you back down to world with a bump. And information technology is a warning argument. It's fourth dimension to get out of the relationship and suffer the short-term pain for the long term gain.

He is giving yous a chance to become out at present while y'all can.

He'south also telling y'all who he is and trying to make you be existent well-nigh him and the human relationship so that you tin opt out.

Here are the translations:

When a man says ' I can't give you what you lot desire' he's proverb 'I can't give you what you want. I'm likewise not prepared to give you lot what you desire and then please end wanting from me and motion on'.

That's information technology. He means exactly what he says.

This man already knows his capacity or what he is prepared to requite. He's also wise enough to recognise that yous want more than what is on offer. In that location's nothing mysterious about what he's maxim – he'due south giving you a heads upwards and a alarm.

When a man says he cannot give you what you lot want, it'south a red flag and a sign to run in the other management.

Don't make the mistake of millions of women by deciding that you know better. Yous don't. Too, don't make the fault of deciding that you lot will marginalise your own needs so that you can hang onto him. All you'll exist doing is setting yourself up for a mighty big, painful fall.

'I love you, and of course, yous tin can give me what I desire', you might proclaim. Er, no, he can't. You lot're discounting what he's said and trying to invalidate what he's communicated because it doesn't suit your view of things. You're in deprival. Information technology's not upward to y'all, though, to make up one's mind what he tin give.

When a human being says he cannot requite you what you want and you want a relationship, information technology means that he doesn't want a relationship. Information technology'southward time for y'all to let go and motion on.

A decent guy in this situation will not only tell you this just will opt out and move on with his life. A guy who wants to enjoy the fringe benefits of the relationship while managing downward your expectations volition hang about. He has a thinking that works like this:

I've told you that I cannot requite you lot what you want. I'm giving you a heads-up, and if you don't take enough self-respect to motion on and y'all stick around, I am not responsible for any pain that you may experience. Aye, that'south even if I continue to shag y'all/get an ego stroke/or lean on your shoulder and moan. Don't make the mistake of thinking that because I'm still around that I'thou in a position to requite you what you desire. I'm non, but I am all for getting my ain needs met if you're going to stick around and let me utilise you up.

When a human being says 'I deceit exist the man you lot need me to be' he'south saying 'Please cease putting me on a pedestal and creating illusions. I am not the man you think I am, and I am not the homo who you and then clearly need me to be. I cannot meet your needs and have no desire to.'

When men (or women) say stuff like this is because they know who they are, what they're capable of, and what they feel about you and any relationship. They've probable danced this dance before with other people and they are trying to shut off the willing, waiting, hoping, dreaming, betting on potential and everything else that comes with putting someone on a pedestal.

If a man says that he can't be who you need him to exist, it's considering yous are under illusions about who he is and the human relationship. He'south making a vague endeavour to bring y'all back downwardly to earth.

You'll likely have projected your ideas about who yous think he is and the relationship yous could take, and he's getting nervous. He may even feel you're being emotionally demanding and actually, y'all may well be. If someone is saying that they can't give you what you want, it'due south because you lot're asking and expecting from them even when it's apparent that they cannot encounter your needs.

Actually, he's saying 'Back off! Cease expecting! End dreaming! Quit betting on potential! See me as I am!'

Once more, a decent guy volition non only tell yous this but opt out and movement on. In fact, if you were to persist in trying to be with him, he may even accept to do No Contact on you. But a guy who doesn't give a monkey's about you lot and is happy to savour the fruits of your misguided feelings for him will retrieve something like this:

I've told you lot that I'm not the man you need me to be. If you all the same want to be with me in spite of this, I know you want the illusion more than than yous desire self-respect and a real human relationship. However, if you stick effectually, fifty-fifty if you don't realise it, it'south on my terms. And then fifty-fifty though you might think that because we're still sleeping together that maybe I can be the man you need, I nonetheless can't. And in that location's no point in continuing to complain because I told you lot that I could not meet your needs; it's not my fault you stayed.

Hard as it may be to hear, at that place is no hidden meaning to these commitment-dodging statements.

When people prove you who they are through their deportment or tell you who they are, yous need to be listening and watching, not denying or deciding that you know ameliorate, or playing Dan Brown looking to break a code.

Add together in context to the situation and yous actually go a sense of what they mean:

When a man makes statements similar 'I tin can't give yous what you want' and stays in the relationship, he'due south a lazy man. He'southward reshaping the relationship on his terms and trying to manage down your needs and expectations then that he can get his needs met with minimal contribution while marginalising your own needs. He knows you're not The One only he's okay with passing time with you. He'south saying 'I can't exist the man you want. If you're okay with sticking around for some sub-par treatment, though, what kind of man would I be to pass up the fringe benefits?'

Don't await for significant where at that place is no meaning or suspend yourself in disbelief. Heed the warning signs.

Your thoughts?

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Guy Just Doesnt Know How to Handle You

Source: https://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/reader-question-what-does-i-cant-give-you-want-you-want-mean/

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